Forgotten Memories
by zapid
Summary: Harry thinks he's seen Snape's real worst memory, but he hasn't, and neither has Snape. Snape breaks a memory charm and discovers a dark part of his past. JPSS -Rape- -Complete-


Okay, this little story takes place right after Snape catches Harry staring into the pensieve. You will have to have read the fifth book for this to make a lot of sense. I'm pretty sure that a pensieve wouldn't be able to actually do this, but for the sake of the story, let's just say it could. Kay?

You also might notice that Peter Pettigrew isn't mentioned in the story. Well, to be perfectly honest, I kind of forgot about him, but I don't really like him, anyway. So, if you'd be so kind, just ignore his absence from this story.

Also, this story contains SLASH. Boy/boy stuff. And it's nonconsensual to boot. So if you have a problem with that, DON'T read this story! This story does depict a rape scene; however, due to the NC-17 ban it goes into very little detail. So DON'T report me for it because it fits within the R rating. However, this story is definitely an R, so if you don't want that, don't read this story!

Anyway, now that I'm done. I hope everybody enjoys the story! And please leave me some feedback; it will be much appreciated. I do accept criticism, as long as it's constructive. But don't flame me for the stuff I warned you about. Enjoy the story! 

            Snape growled at Harry to get out. Harry Potter. That good for nothing nosy brat. He looked so much like his father it was uncanny. Snape cast a glance over at the pensieve. What business of Harry's was it? Clearly what Snape had put into the pensieve was not meant for Harry to see.

            Snape snarled once again at the empty door. Okay, he shouldn't stop Potter from coming in for his lessons in occlumency. It was key, after all. But how could he bear it? The arrogant bastard. Just like his father. Well, no, not like his father. Much more mature; he's seen more, done more. He just looks like him. Terribly like him.

            Snape slowly walked toward the pensieve and stared into the swirling contents. He remembered that day well, more particularly than any other day. Snape was never entirely sure why that particular day stood out so clearly in his mind. There were so many other days almost identical to it. But that day was the day that held its ground the most firmly in Snape's mind.

            Snape watched the scene that had previously been playing itself for Harry, but he did not become fully immersed in the contents. Eventually it wound up in a potion's class. Snape peered more closely before recalling that this was their last class before their O.W.L.s, so everybody was making something different, occasionally asking for assistance.

            Snape saw himself take something out of his pocket. Snape drew back, confused. He did not recognize this. At least not with his mind. But deep inside him something stirred. Before he could register what his body was doing, Snape felt himself being pulled into the pensieve. This wasn't right. Could you be pulled into your own memories? Apparently so.

~*~

A/N For this next part of the story, the Snape I refer to is the one in the memory. Until I say so, it can just be assumed that the real Snape is watching this happen. Boy I hope that wasn't too confusing. I mark all changes between POV (present Snape and Snape in pensieve) with ~*~, like it is above.

            Snape pulled an object out of his pocket, concealing it from the professor behind his cauldron. He chanced a glance at James, who was furiously searching through his notes. Snape knew exactly what potion he was attempting to make. The potion of happiness. All too easily turned into a potion of anger. Snape knew for a fact that James would be working on that particular potion. It was the only potion the Potter boy had failed to master so far. He was, unfortunately, rather clever, especially considering the fact that he hardly ever opened a book.

            Snape saw the potions professor walk quickly over to James.

            "Now Mr. Potter," the professor began. "You must remember to add the mermaid scale BEFORE the porcupine quills. Understand?" James nodded, clearly annoyed. "This mix-up will not just cause the potion to be unusable, it will change it into an anger potion, as I am sure you remember."

            With that the professor walked off to assist another student.

            "Well I think you should screw it up on purpose," Sirius announced loudly, clearly not caring if the professor heard him or not.

            "Sirius!" Remus protested.

            "What? That was one of the funniest things that's every happened around here. He chucked our dearest Lily into the lake in a fit of rage."

            James and Remus both elbowed him in the stomach before breaking into a bout of laughter, clearly remembering that day when James would go ballistic and do something crazy, before coming to his senses again and apologizing.

            "Will you three be quiet!" the professor snapped.

            James gave Sirius, who was still chuckling, a playful shove before returning to his work. Snape smirked and watched patiently, occasionally stirring his own potion, waiting for the right moment. He watched as James slowly added the ingredients, careful not to mess anything up. This would be his last chance. Snape smirked as he saw James add the hair from the tail of a centaur. Now was the time.

            Snape quickly cast his charm on the object. He waited until he saw James refer to his notes, as Snape knew he would, and he quickly made the object zoom into James's cauldron. James didn't notice a thing. He simply dropped the mermaid scale into the water before adding the quill.

            Wait, he added a quill. That meant that there were two quills in the potion now. Snape hadn't figured that into the occasion. When James had originally screwed up the potion he had simply reversed them. Now there was a surplus of an ingredient. Well, what was the worst it could do? Make James even angrier? Well, if that was the effect, Snape decided that he should have added a _hundred_ quills.

            Snape returned to his own potion, knowing that James would inevitably take a long time before testing his potion. Wait, what if James didn't test the potion? Snape's problem was quickly and easily solved as the professor had just informed James that he would, indeed be testing his potion. Too bad that it wouldn't be graded. Of course that would be unreasonable, since it was only a review class.

            When only five minutes in the class remained, James had finally finished his potion. He had gone up to the professor's desk to test it. James slowly swigged half of the potion he had made. Nothing happened at first. James had been expecting a sensation similar to that of a cheering charm, but nothing happened. All at once James began to feel a sensation that he was quite sure he had experienced before. Only it was bigger, more powerful.

            James suddenly picked the professor's desk off of the ground and threw it against a wall, where it hit so hard it shook the walls. The walls made out of stone. Snape's eyes widened in amazement. Surely James wasn't _that _strong. A side affect of having two quills in the potion? Snape quickly flipped through his potions book until he reached the commonly used ingredients section.

            While Snape was doing this, James was in the middle of yelling at the professor. When he was done, James walked over to where he, Sirius, and Lupin had been working. Sirius and Lupin both took a few steps back.

            "Oh chill out, will you? I'd never hurt you two."

            Sirius and Lupin seemed convinced, but they were still a bit skeptical. Last time this had happened, James had put them both into a full body bind before coming to and casting the spell to undo it. But this seemed different somehow. The trio grabbed their stuff and left without so much as a word to the professor, but not before James threw a very hard glare at Severus, who was oblivious to the fact that James was looking at him as though he were marking him as a target.

            The professor was in a stupor. Clearly James deserved a detention, but who in their right mind would be brave enough to give it to him? Oh well.

            Snape finally found what he was looking for. He silently read to himself the section on porcupine quills.

            _Porcupine quills are a key ingredient in many poisonous concoctions, as well as many potions that deal with emotions. It is, however, a misconception that the porcupine quills stimulate anger. They stimulate intensity. Intensity can contribute to anger, but that is not the only form of intensity. This intensity can be demonstrated through all emotions, including anger, happiness, and sadness, as well as physical strength. _

            "So that's why James is so strong," Snape thought to himself. Snape skipped down a few lines.

            _In many poisons, the intensity is demonstrated in how quickly poisons containing porcupine quills take effect. Porcupine quills can also, if used in overdose, stimulate mental intensity. This can give the taker of the potion a greater sense of what is going on around them. They can clearly see who is their friend, and who is their foe._

Snape stopped reading. He'd read enough. That must have been why James wasn't angry with Remus and Sirius.

            "He must really hate the professor..."

            By this time the review period was over. Their O.W.L. in potions was tomorrow. Do or die, as they say. Snape quickly gathered his things, contemplating what he had inadvertently done. He knew that James would have eventually figured out what had happened, but Severus hadn't wanted anything serious to happen. Well, at least James had gone after the potions professor and not himself, but still. The rivalry between James and Severus, while intense, had never put other people in harm's way. Considering the fact that the people that James seems to hate the most are all in Slytherin...well...if any of those poor victims ever found out that it was indirectly Snape's doing, there would be some serious hell to pay.

            Honestly, Snape had really only wanted the teacher to blow up at James for screwing up the potion. Throw him into detention. Maybe deduct some house points. Not this. Oh well, too late now.

            Snape was so lost in his thoughts he failed to watch where he was going. He ran smack into James, who was, at the time, glaring at a wall like he wanted to kill it. James spun around to see who the hell had bumped into him. He was so not in the mood.

            Who should he come face to face with but Severus Snape himself? This was most definitely not Snape's lucky day. The usual occurrences between James and Snape never happened. There was no name-calling, no "Sevvy-kins" no "Greaseball". Nothing. There was just pure hatred. And that scared the hell out of Snape. While James had humiliated Snape on a fair few occasions, he had never caused him _serious _harm. Snape wasn't so sure he'd be as lucky this time.

            James thought about retrieving his wand from his pocket, but something inside of him stopped this urge. Instead, James lunged toward Snape, knocking Severus off of his feet and onto the ground. James began pounding Snape's face in, only stopping when Remus literally pulled James up by his robes.

            Severus spat onto the floor. His nose was bleeding, most likely broken.

            "I'll get you for this you asshole!" Snape yelled furiously at James.

            "I'd like to see you try you little bitch!" James retorted angrily.

            Remus and Sirius dragged James down the hallway, but not before Snape got in the last word.

            "This. Isn't. Over.

            Sirius and Remus finally managed to pull James around a corner before leading him up to the Gryffindor tower to cool down. Hopefully there wasn't anyone in Gryffindor he secretly hated.

            Meanwhile, in the Slytherin common room, Snape was acting as though he'd taken an anger potion of his own. He was pacing back and forth, muttering under his breath. After receiving one too many stares, he entered his room. Even though he shared it, there was no one there at the moment.

            There was only one driving force in Severus's mind, and that was revenge. He was completely overcome with the desire to inflict severe amounts of physical pain onto James. But something was stopping him. Something was telling him that he shouldn't stoop to that level. James's level. Okay, that wasn't fair. He was "under the influence," or something like that. But that wasn't the only reason. There was also the possibility of getting caught. If he left a mark, it could be traced back to him. So what could he do?

            Well, there was always the possibility of just turning James in. HE sure left a mark on Snape. It just didn't seem like enough. 

            "There has to be something else," Snape wondered out loud. "Wait, now there's an idea...hmm..."

            Snape smirked before sliding into his bed. He decided he would get a few hours rest before he put his plan into action. It was a good thing he knew the password into the Gryffindor tower. Finally his spying had paid off...

            Around four in the morning, Snape's alarm, which had been charmed so that only he could hear it, disturbed him from his rest. Not that he minded. He had work to do.

            Snape crept as quietly as he could to the Gryffindor tower. He finally reached the portrait, when...

~*~

            Snape was pulled out of his memory with a jolt. What had happened? And why couldn't Snape remember any of it? 

            Snape looked into the pensieve and realized it was frozen on that scene. The Snape in the pensieve was trying to move forward, but he was jerked back every time. Severus realized that the pensieve bared a strange resemblance to a broken record, only with pictures, not sound. Something was blocking it.

            If something was blocking this memory from him, why was he able to see this much? What if Harry had something to do with it? Well, it was an idea, but Snape couldn't make heads or tails of it. If something was blocking the memory from him, maybe the pensieve could be forced to tell the truth.

(A/N I'm taking MAJOR liberties here, I know, but you never know, it could work... Okay, maybe not, but still. It's my story.)

            Snape poured one of his most powerful truth potions into the pensieve. The potion seemed to burn a hole through the picture, and Snape was once again pulled into his own memory. Seeing your own memories played out before your eyes, whether you can remember them or not, is a very strange experience.

            Snape was not, however, taken directly to the scene he had been watching before. He was instead at a wall, almost symbolic of the block in his memory. There was a door in the center of the wall, and Severus knew that all that he needed to do was open the door. Yet he felt a sense of foreboding. It was almost as if he didn't want to know, as if a part of him didn't want to relive the past. But, as he knew it would, Snape's curiosity got the best of him, and he opened the door.

~*~

            Snape finally reached the portrait. He said the password, but the fat lady was asleep. He had to yell it three times before the fat lady finally mumbled in her sleep and swung open the door. Snape smirked and stepped inside. Piece of cake.

            Snape took about three steps into the common room before realizing that he had no idea which room had James as its resident. Oh well. Time for a little guess, check, and revise.

            Snape was very careful not to wake anyone up as he silently checked each room. He finally came across James's room. James and Sirius were both in their beds sleeping, but Remus was nowhere to be seen.

            "Probably off trying to catch some students on a late-night stroll. Stupid prefect," Snape thought to himself.

            Snape quietly opened one of the trunks in the room. He honestly had no idea whose was whose, but he figured that was for the better. He cast a charm on the first robe he pulled out of the trunk.

            "After all," he thought, holding up the now-pink garment, "It wouldn't be fair if all they had to do is borrow on of the other's robes."

            Snape continued to cast his charm on every piece of clothing he found in the room. When he was finally done, he laughed to himself.

            "Snape."

            Or maybe he laughed out loud. Oh fuck...

            James's eyes were boring holes straight through Severus. Unlike Snape would have expected James didn't look tired at all. Strange, considering the fact that he had just woken up. Wait, what if the potion hadn't worn off? Once again, oh fuck.

            James got up from his bed and started making predatory circles around Snape.

            "Why are you here?"

            James's question was answered for him, however, when he spotted a bit of pink sticking out of his trunk. He pulled the robes out of the trunk and took one look at them. And one look was all it took.

            "You bastard."

            Snape, being the very smart person that he is, decided that running would be a very smart decision right about now. However, before he could take a step, James had already whispered a spell that bound him to James's bed.

(A/N Like I said before, in fear of getting kicked off, this next section doesn't go into too much detail. Sorry if it disappoints anybody.)

            James cast a silencing charm on the room, not wanting others to wake. Snape realized that Potter was worried about getting caught. He cast a glance over at Sirius, who was still sleeping in his bed. James followed his glance.

            "I know what you're thinking," James said. "And it doesn't matter. He sleeps like a rock."

            "I could scream."

            "But you won't."

            "What makes you say that?"

            "Because it would show that you're weak."

            Snape's stomach coiled. Potter was right. He'd never submit. Ever. He knew what he was in for, but he would _never _submit.

            "Besides," James continued, "Sirius wouldn't care. You know he wouldn't say anything."

            Snape knew that James was right. Perfect James. Always right. Snape recoiled as James stripped him of his clothing.

            "Don't touch me."

            "You don't have much choice in the matter."

            James bit down on the back of his neck, hard enough to draw blood. Snape hissed but did not cry out. James moved down Snape's body, scratching his nails down Snape's back as he went, leaving red marks. James reached Snape's cock and began to lightly stroke it, a serious contrast to the former roughness.

            Snape was horrified at his body's reactions. He had never been so humiliated; he felt like crying, but he absolutely refused to show such a sign of weakness. Severus was so focused on not reacting to what was happening he hardly noticed when James stopped jerking him off and had moved around to Snape's front.

            James pulled off his boxers and his dick sprung into Snape's face. Snape knew what James wanted him to do, but he would be damned if he complied.

            "Suck it. Suck it like the bitch you are."

            This comment only caused Snape to close his mouth tighter.

            "Have it your way."

            James dug his nails into the sides of Severus's face, drawing even more blood. This forced Snape to open his mouth, and James shoved himself into Snape's mouth. Snape gave his last defense, and bit down. Hard.

            James cried out in anguish before slapping Snape right across the face. Snape's last defenses finally crumbled as he began to silently cry.

            When James got tired of his little game he thrust himself into Snape without any preparation whatsoever. Snape bit his lip hard enough to draw blood to stop himself from calling out. To stop James from gaining the satisfaction of knowing how much pain he was putting him through.

            It wasn't enough for James, however, to simply hurt Snape. No, he wanted to humiliate him even more than he already had. James wanted Snape to orgasm. To feel his body betray him.

            James reached down and once again began to stroke Severus's cock, much more frantically this time. By this point in time, Severus had nothing left in his defense, and he simply accepted the pleasure that James was giving him, trying to focus more on that than on the pain.

            Eventually Severus came, with James following not far behind. James pulled out of Snape and turned toward Sirius. While Snape had failed to notice the fact that Sirius had awoken, James had quickly realized the absence of his friend's usual snores.

            Sirius, unlike James, did not have an anger potion coursing through his veins, so he was still very groggy. But he didn't need to be at his best to realize what had just happened. He just stared at James, almost unwilling to believe what had just happened.

            Sirius grabbed for his wand.

            "Obliviate!" he called out, erasing all of Snape's memories of the events that just happened, also causing Snape to fall into unconsciousness.

            James suddenly began shaking and he fell to the ground. Sirius only needed one look at his friend to realize that James was crying.

            "What did I do?" James whispered. "This wasn't supposed to happen. It was never supposed to go this far..."

            Meanwhile, Remus was out patrolling the hallways. It was, after all, one of his duties as a prefect. Of course, not many prefects actually bothered patrolling hallways, but he felt guilty as it was. He knew that he was powerless to stop his friends from causing mischief, not to mention the fact that more often than not he was a participant.

            He wasn't having much luck at catching some poor unsuspecting student that night, so he decided to pull out the Marauder's map. If only the others knew that he was using the map to do good. What a riot that would be. It seemed that there wasn't anybody breaking the rules, after all. At least not outside of their rooms. But then Remus noticed something a bit unusual. Snape was in the Gryffindor tower, along with Sirius and James. He quickly hurried back to the tower to see what was going on.

            Once Lupin had entered the tower, he ran to the room. The door was locked, but a simple 'alohomora' charm fixed that. He burst into the room where he surveyed what was going on inside. And it took him all of three seconds to realize what had happened.

            "Remus," Sirius said. "I knew you'd be here soon."

            "What happened? Wait, don't answer that. Why?"

            Sirius just shook his head and pointed to James, who was still convulsing, now curled up into a small ball and sobbing.

            "What are you going to do?" Remus asked.

            "I cast a memory charm on him," Sirius said, saying it like it solved everything.

            "You're horrible at charms. Are you sure it worked?"

            Sirius nodded, not seeming insulted in the least. "He probably won't forget very far back. At least that way he won't blank on exams and stuff."

            "And that makes so much difference!" James suddenly yelled. "I just...I just..."

            James couldn't even bear to say it.

            "We just need to forget," Remus said. "Just forget. I'll take Snape back to his tower. We'll just forget."

~*~

            Snape didn't need to see any more. He was released from the pensieve's grasp and thrust back into his cold, dark dungeon. Snape was in a state similar to James in the pensieve. He curled into a ball and began to cry. Again. Why was he so weak?

            Snape stood up, still shaking, and walked over to his cabinet, where he grabbed a sleeping draught and took twice as much as he normally would.

            His last thought before he went to sleep was, "Harry looks so much like his father."

I know, depressing isn't it? Well, that's the end of the story. I hope everybody enjoyed it, and please review. Ta-ta for now!


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